5/6/16 - 5/12/13

Your Horrible Scope for the week of 5/6/13 - 5/12/13

Aquarius: The winds of change are blowing your way today, but don't put your sail up just yet! what may seem like a slight breeze could turn into a tornado and send you straight to the Land of Oz

Aries: Jupiter, a gas giant, is moving into your house of digestion. This may not be the best week to take that attractive stranger to a Mexican restaurant. Try packing a light dinner in a picnic, the fresh air will only help your situation

Gemini: This week, Uranus is in your house of passion. Take your partner out to a romantic dinner on Wednesday and you'll be sure to get the lovin' you've been craving. Remember, though, romance is always key in situations like these so don't skimp on the candles and smooth jazz.

Virgo: Your romance will blossom this Friday. Whether it is with your significant other, the sexy co-ed you have had your eye on, or Leonard DiCaprio as Jay Gatsby- you will not go to bed disappointed. Just take it slow, because your need for speed can actually bring your romance to a screeching halt (or land you in jail if you're in a public theater and go for Leo on the big screen).

Scorpio: Your social life is booming with Mercury in your 723rd house of friendship. Be alert, Venus will sneak into your 54th house of love and when the two overlap it could mean sparks between friends. Now is the time to express your unrequited love (just keep a bottle of wine in the fridge in case this doesn't go so well.....awkward!).

Sagittarius: When life hands you lemons, you are always the one to grab some water, sugar, and vodka and throw a party! You should definitely celebrate your successes this week, because there will be a lot. However, give your phone to a friend, because your ex doesn't want to read your vodka-infused-texts about how great your life has turned out.

Cancer: Take extreme caution on any day this week that has a chance of rain. Your safety is not in danger, but your social life could take a toll on you on such a day so it is best you cancel your plans to prevent any unnecessary drama. You don't want to be caught in the rain AND unhappy.

Taurus: The rings of Saturn are strongly suggesting that you need to be open with the person you have been hiding your feelings from this week. Do not worry about what their response will be. Telling them the truth will lift a huge burden off of you and maybe even a few pounds (we know that you have been indulging throughout this stressful situation...)

Leo: Your 12th house of love suggests an office romance brewing like the coffee in the break room. Take caution, however... because you may not be the only co-worker on the office to-do list.

Libra: A little heads up: this may not be the week you should kiss and tell. Some things are best kept in the dark until further notice. Pun intended.

Capricorn: A storm is brewing and the stars suggest it is your fault. Take a step back today and examine your actions as of recently. You will need to prepare either an apology or an escape plan. 

Pisces: You are a lucky person. It seems the stars have aligned perfectly for you this week. Blast a little Keith Urban "Who Wouldn't Wanna Be Me?" and enjoy it while it lasts. You are capable of anything this week - even eating pizza every day without gaining weight. YOU ARE INVINCIBLE.