Meet Your (self-proclaimed) Astrologers

Well HELLO!

Thanks for checking out Horriblescopes!  Tune in weekly for your completely-made-up-full-of-nonsense-100%-untruthful-hilarious-but-potentially-accurate horoscopes! We have absolutely no authority or expertise in astrology (and actually, neither of us even believe in it...) but for amusement purposes only we will be providing you with nothing but the best of Ashley and Lori for your pure enjoyment. Please take a moment to learn about the authors:

On the Left: Ashley.
On the Right: Lori

Ashley

I guess some would call me a "horoscope enthusiast." And by some, I mean myself and maybe two other people. I read my daily horoscope on twitter, my monthly horoscopes in my trashy women's magazines, and every time I meet a new boy you can be sure I google our signs to see if we are compatible. Turns out, Cancer's aren't compatible with anyone. Apparently we are sensitive and grouchy and controlling (#ReasonsImSingle).

Also, in middle school I thought Tarot Cards were really cool. I actually still have a deck that I got at Earth Magic. They're obviously legitimate. I'd lay them out for my friends, get my trusty "decoder" sheet out and tell them their futures. Then, if we didn't like that reading we'd start all over. Naturally.

My passion for horoscopes stems from my innate idea that I have control over my destiny. So that delusion combined with my enthusiasm and vast experience in tarot card readings make me more than qualified to tell you your weekly outlook.

Sadly, I'm not responsible for the Cancer horoscope- so sorry fellow crabs, looks like it's up to Lori to make us loveable

Peace, love, and happy futures,
Ashley

Lori
In elementary school I was a writer for the Oak Grove Cougars school newspaper. Pretty legit, right? One of my assignments was the weekly horoscopes. From there I grew older and became a pretty big fan of all of the teenie bopper magazines (BOP included) and although I never believed anything I read (except for fun facts about Justin Timberlake), my favorite part of the magazine was always the horoscopes. (I still enjoy Seventeen magazine...)

My interest in "horoscopes" has always been related to the fantasy of a perfect love life. I've always been a fairy tale-hopeless romantic-I love love- kind of girl and of course I wanted my horoscope to tell me my love life would improve under the stars of xx-xx-xxxx date.

Unfortunately, my love life is still lacking and years of horoscope reading never warned me about the crazy people I would meet - therefore...I have plenty of time as a single girl to entertain myself writing horoscopes with one of my best friends.

I hope you enjoy.

Your favorite Sagittarius,
Lori


Stay tuned and come back soon!

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See Lori's personal blog here.
See Ashley's personal blog here.